They don’t understand. They want to lock me away in this cold cell. They think it is good for me. If only they understood. Who are they to say what is good for me. They have no Idea. Their intentions are good. But they have no experience. How can someone who has never felt the warmth understand the pain of it being ripped away, leaving you with nothing but cold. They don’t understand the pain that it causes. They say that ‘better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.’ But I look around and find one who has never loved in pure bliss of life; and one who whishes he has loved, dead to the world. That is proof that the loss of love is worse than never having love. So how can they say that? But this situation is not handled lightly. There are more hearts involved than two. There is the heart of one who doesn’t understand and the heart of the one who understands too well. Then there is the heart of two, which has already become one. That is not something that is easily forgotten. Can it be reformed? It must be reformed. But can it be reformed without destroying the other hearts involved? The heart that doesn’t understand has been broken before, in the exact same manner. It is fragile and probably can’t hold up to another break. The heart that understands too well has never broken before. Who am I to make it break? I am stuck in a position where I know what I must do, but in doing that I run the risk of destroying two things I am not willing to destroy. It is like having to decide to save the life of your brother or your sister, but not both. It is a choice that must be made, but cannot be made. I swear if I can’t figure this out my head is going to explode. It is like some sick, twisted life puzzle; A riddle that I have to solve in order to start the flow of time again. I have already made my decision but am afraid to finalize it. The two hearts must remain one. It is without question. It is not negotiable. But before I can finalize this decision I must figure out a way to save the others. Everything under the sun is possible. It is just a matter of figuring out how to make it come to pass. It is like those who said that man cannot fly because man doesn’t have wings. But we built ourselves wings. I must build myself a solution to save everyone. This is how my mind works. This is the way I have always been. I have to save everyone and I know that it is possible. But how to make it happen is beyond me. It took man 7,000 years to figure out how to build wings. But I don’t have that much time. At most I have a month. I must have something figured out before that or damage will be done and it most likely won’t be repairable. So here I sit in this think tank of a chair, trying to find a way to save my world. This would be a lot easier if the one sided and the not understanding could come to a realization that the two are forever joined and that that isn’t something that can be easily dropped and forgotten. But they are blinded by their own faults and by past experiences. And this is all my fault. If only I had grown up when I was supposed to; followed the example of the modern world. But I had to hold on to my childhood. It is possible that I fear growing up because I am trying to make a decent childhood for myself. Not having a good upbringing may have put my life on hold, and now that I am in control of my life, I picked up where it was left off. But I now realize that I can’t do that. I must drop my childhood, realize that it was there even if it was horrible and grow up. I need to realize that instead of trying to make a good childhood for myself, I need to learn from my bad one and move on. You only live once; you can’t go back and relive something just because you didn’t like how it turned out. Now that leaves me with the decision of how to properly grow up. Of that I have no examples. Everyone around me has not done it in a way that I agree with. So again, like in my childhood, I must forge my own path in a direction that I believe will bring me to my appointed destiny in good shape as efficiently as possible. First there is the issue of work. He who does not work does not eat. Not only that but he who does not work, can not love. So I must find something that will bring in an income. I would love to return to school, and someday I will. But for now I must work. But I am suborned. I know that I am and I try to change it but I can’t. Also there is the problem of transportation. But I must stop focusing on the problems and start focusing on the solution. Step one, save the love of the two. Step two, save the love of the one who doesn’t understand and the one who understands too well. Step three, find employment. Not necessarily permanent but something that will help me get onto my feet and find something permanent. Step four, get a vehicle. Step five,????. Step six, profit. Lol. Sorry, I had a Btard moment. Anyways, I am going to go begin on step one right now. If only I had more self esteem than my life has responsibility. That would help tremendously.